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Self-Validation: Three Techniques for Loving and Validating Yourself

Self-validation is becoming increasingly important as we struggle to catch up with society’s standards of perfection. However, this is not something that will happen overnight. You need to consciously practice self-validation before you begin to fall in love with yourself.

Put an End to Comparing Yourself to Others

This is perhaps one of the biggest lessons anyone can learn in life, particularly if you want to achieve self-validation. It is also quite difficult to stop comparing ourselves with others. This is something that will require constant effort.

When we are born, we can’t care or even know what people think about us. We would just cry when we wanted anything, and our parents would scramble to get us what we wanted. However, as we grow older, we begin to develop a consciousness about how to function in society. We are forced to learn how to fit in society and not be banished from it. We are taught what is right and what is wrong. Our society also tells us what actions are polite and acceptable and what actions are rude and unacceptable. Sometimes, society’s rules may seem to put an undue burden on us.

For example, when you were a child, you must have been taught table manners such as keeping your elbows off the table while eating. However, someone who doesn’t follow this rule may still be a very decent human being.

The point here is that people are constantly judgmental of our actions, no matter how big or small they may be. It has become so ingrained that sometimes we don’t even see it happening. From a young age, we get wired to look for external validation about whether we are doing things right or wrong.

We are treated as failures every time we don’t comply with the standards set by our society. The worst part is that it happens even if we are trying to make improvements within our lives.

With time, comparing ourselves to those around us can lead to extremely low self-esteem. Given this state of affairs, it is hardly surprising we struggle to grasp the concept of self-love. So instead of focusing on what your colleagues, friends, or family members may have achieved, focus on what gives you internal happiness.

Don’t Look For Happiness Outside of Yourself

We all tend to defer our happiness to an unspecified point in the future. We pin our happiness on a series of future goals that we may or may not be able to fulfill. If we achieve one goal, instead of being happy for this achievement, we will tell ourselves we will achieve true happiness when we achieve the next goal. And then it just goes on in an unending spiral. For example, if we have a goal of owning a house, and we move from a rented place to buying our apartment, instead of being happy about being a property owner, we tell ourselves that we will achieve happiness when we own a bigger apartment. Then it goes on to a villa and so on.

True happiness is nothing more than a state of mind. It is something that has to come from within. Once we try to start living in the moment, rather than focusing on where we should be in the future, we will truly learn to be happy with the blessings bestowed upon us in the current moment.

Speak to Yourself as if You Were Talking to a Close Friend

We tend to be very harsh on ourselves. We try not to cut ourselves any slack the way we may be willing to cut others some slack. We try to set lofty benchmarks for ourselves. We all want to be high achievers.

It is good to have high goals in life. It is what gives our lives a purpose. But don’t be too harsh on yourselves if you fail to achieve those goals or are unable to achieve them within the timeline you set for yourself. If you do that, you would essentially be practicing the opposite of self-validation.

Instead of bringing yourself down, be happy that you put yourself through challenging situations. So what if you failed in achieving your objective? You just need to be hoping you will achieve them on your next try. Encourage yourself the way you would encourage a close friend who may be struggling through life.

Summing Up

Self-validation is all about being content with what you currently have rather than focusing on your future achievements. Focus on changing your mental state of mind rather than looking towards extrinsic motivation. Self-validation and happiness are all about making the right choices.

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Published inMotivation and Self Improvement

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